When I'm hungry for cheese like Hungry Hungry hippo.

2008-03-25T14:19:00.000-07:00

Cool it, lactose police! It's only tofu.

Aside from poverty, the greatest boon to my weight loss has been the discovery that I am lactose intolerant. I have always loved cheese, though, and when I was a kid I would melt a block of cheddar in the microwave, hide in my parents' bedroom, and eat it from a bowl while I watched MTV.

Denying myself of things I enjoy is difficult, because I am a pleasure-obsessed self-coddler--and if eating cheese didn't ruin my stomach and increase my lardpower, I'd still find ways to drink it in secret. So I don't fall into a black mood while dwelling on all the things I have to give up for beauty and health, I've had to find a few ways to trick myself into thinking that I am eating cheese. My favorite and most convincing recipe is..

Fake Tomato and Mozzarella Salad

1 block of firm, pressed tofu cut into cubes
1 carton of grape tomatoes, washed and halved
2 cloves of garlic, finely minced
handful of fresh basil, gently torn
balsamic vinegar
olive oil
salt and pepper

Mix the first four ingredients in a bowl. Add as much or as little balsamic vinegar, olive oil, salt and pepper as common sense dictates. Cover and refrigerate for several hours, because the longer it sits, the better it tastes.

An ego, underfed.

When I'm hungry for cheese like Hungry Hungry hippo.